I woke up early at 7.30am and not able to go to sleep. Husband had to go for work. Drank a glass of water as soon as i woke up. I feel my eyes are still swollen from crying yesterday. Had a mental breakdown thinking about working. I've decided to end my job as i find it not suitable to my capabilities. I know i need money to support myself, my husband for paying the house and contributing to my parents. I feel really depressed at the thought of working with people who i cannot seem to bond with. I'm very quiet at my workplace as i don't know what to say to them except for work related matters. I'm surrounded by chinese and malay teachers and i feel really pressured at the thought of what they think of me.

From today onwards, I've decided to challenge my thoughts whenever i'm upset and having negative thoughts. Think of positive things and remember about happy moments. Im learning to picture happy thoughts by looking at old pictures and videos which make me happy. It's ok that i'm quitting the job. I would find other ways to have some income. I'm getting myself to be close to Allah and i believe that i will continue to make doas for life to get better. InshaaAllah.
May Allah makes my heart pure and be grateful with whatever that i have. I love you Allah. May the Greatest Allah protects me in life as he has the power.

Today, i had my dental appointment with Dr Alvin at 11am. Arrived late so i decided to inform them.It's quite painful as he really tightened my braces and bond the bracket to make sure that the alignment gets better. Updates! Good news he mentioned that i would be able to remove my braces in 6 months time. I've also settled the payment for my braces which costs me $3500. Wow! I can't believe I've managed to pay that amount. I would need to pay $2300 for my tooth implant. May need to pay about $250 per month. Deep breath and exhale! Take it slowly.. Think positive! Will find way on how to raise that amount of money. May Allah grant ease to me, husband and family in having a smooth life journey. Amin!!

Ola,

Hello!

I woke up feeling really empty inside. I'm not sure what should I do to fill my emptiness. Mum wanted me to accompany her to the market. I'm feeling low mood and does not feel like going out. Sometimes I feel as though I had to do things I don't wish to do.

My husband asked if I would like to accompany him tonight for delivery and I agreed to follow him. I don't understand why I'm being like this. Mum and dad has tried their best to help me in many ways.
I had so many things going on in my mind.

I wish I can erase my bad experience and move on with courage. I hope that things will be better. I need to have some plans in life.

One thing for sure, I need to think positive. I can do it.

Hello there!

One thing I've realised that is so important in life, My family especially my parents. They never give up on me. My mum has always been by my side no matter what happen. She is not feeling well but she keeps on fighting and try any ways to make me feel better.

I am very thankful to have a mother and father in my life. Alhamdulilah. My husband who came back home from work feeling tired but yet he consoles me with words. He may not be perfect but one thing I know he is patience in everything he does.

Self reminder:
Look on the good side of people. No people in this world is perfect.
Accept who I am and keep trying. Never give up.

Try try try and most importantly, have faith in Allah. He who makes everything happen. We are just the servants.

Never look down on people. Help as much as I can afford. I am the reflection of my actions. Smile smile smile and be happy.

Keep learning till the end of life!
It does not matter what people think of you. What matters the most is how you think of yourself.
Be courageous.

Crying won't solve the problem. People might sympathise you but they will see your weakness. Be a Fighter just like mum.

I will keep on fighting every single day! I am not weak. Insyaa Allah.

Allah will give me the strength and protection if I remember him.

SubhahanALLAH! I may not have everything but I have the most important things eyes, ears, nose, mouth, legs, brain and body. Alhamdulilah.

Allah has plan for me. InsyaaAllah.

Be grateful with what we have & think of our loved ones!

I was tearing when I watched a video which showed a boy who is soft hearted and liked to help his neighbour. He had a hard time fitting into any groups of friends. He was badly bullied by his friends. He was forced to lick the bus windscreen. He was being called names by his friends. There was one time when he was asked by a boy who told him to kill himself. Eventually, he told everyone that they would stop seeing him and he will kill himself. His mother was devastated and still had difficulty in accepting what had happened to him.

My thoughts:
I can totally imagine how the mother would be feeling if her own son to commit suicide due to being bullied. It's very sad to see that. He could not see how much he means to the people around him. My heart ached watching this video. I hope that he will rest in peace.

Another video was about this lady who loves his husband and afraid that he would stop loving her if she told him that she is going to be blind. It was a heartwarming video from the beginning till the end. She cooked his favourite food and did the laundry for his husband. Despite her turning blind, she insisted to do all the things by herself for husband and went to work. Without her knowing, her husband has always been there for her. He accompanied her in the bus, watched her crossing the road, saw her going to work discreetly and helped her with cooking by placing food nearer to her.

My thoughts:
Reminds me of how grateful and lucky I am to have my husband by my side. Despite me not knowing the direction of my life, he still told me to take everything slowly. For the lady in the video, I do admire her positive attitude of wanting to do things independently. Being strong even though she is turning blind. She is also lucky as her husband stayed by her side during tough times.

Everybody has their own problems. We just need to handle the situations well when tough times come. It is either we fight like a fighter or we lose ourselves. Life is challenging. We need to keep moving. For me, I'm still lost in my direction in life. Not sure which career I'm settling myself down with. I'm living in the moment. I would cry sometimes. My husband and family always support me. I hope that Allah will show me the way one fine day. Insyaa Allah. Amin.

Regards,
Shikin

I have set my mind and there's no point in me crying about my life and capabilities. I believe things happen for a reason. Nothing will change if I keep on doing the same thing over and over again. Age catching up and my parents getting older by the days. 

Hello!

Work as a childcare teacher

Recently, I just left my job as a childcare teacher. I must say the school offered me good salary but the workload was a bit too much for me to take.

I always went back home feeling stressed about children, paperwork and colleagues. I can't fit well in the group as I don't feel comfortable. Most of the time I spend my lunch alone. On some other days, I will join them for lunch. I feel down every single day. Depression hits me. I'll cry thinking about how I can't be happy in life.


It was challenging to handle children as they would run around and not following. I could not build good relationship with my colleagues due to me often being absent from school. This is because there are days when I feel terrible, depressed that I would not want to do anything. When I first started the job, my mentor teacher was not as supportive and kept picking on my wrongdoings. Being a perfectionist, I could not accept and kept feeling demoralised.

I started to isolate myself from the other teachers, I kept thinking that they would not be able to accept me. I can't bring myself to make conversation with them every single day. I will kept silence and if they approached me I responded with a sentence or two. I would often said 'oh ok' when being asked to perform any tasks such as "Shikin, update attendance book." Then, I'll go like "oh ok".

During children's nap time, I had difficulty in putting them to sleep and I'll be questioned on why they are not sleeping. Other teachers could easily get their children to sleep. sigh. Don't know why it's hard for me to do that. I felt lonely as I will buy my lunch alone and walk around by myself. I will get anxious when people looked at me. I kept having this thoughts that people don't like me.

"It's hard to please people and I can't make people to like me. I've to start making myself happy and like myself. "

Anyway, I've left the job which makes me feel lonely every single day. I'm glad that I do still have my husband, parents and family who stay by my side.

I don't wish to be a teacher anymore. It's so stressful and I'd like to strike a work life balance. I'll need to work on dealing with stress and building relationship with people.

Faith in Allah. Confidence. Communication. Happiness. Patience and perseverance. Keep trying attitude.

I will have to plan new things for my life. Things happen for a reason. It makes me closer to Allah. I believe that there will be a better plan for me. Insyaa Allah.

Love,
Shikin

Norashikin Bte Mustar

Born on 15 SEPTEMBER 1991

A 20-year old girl who leads a simple life. Being happy every single day & be with my loved ones. Seeing people happy really makes me happy. I love to smile & laugh. :) Hugs & kisses Cheers, Catwoman